Are you suddenly furious with loved ones or colleagues? Do you move through your life under constant threat from your own outbursts? Have others told you they’re ready to go because of your angry behavior? Do you long to control your anger but feel hopeless to do so?
Saying Sorry Doesn’t Address the Damage Done
Perhaps you’ve bought books on anger management. You might have tried to meditate, be grateful, relax, and think about what other people are feeling. But you still might find your temper is out of control, comes on like a sudden storm and is hard to shake. Perhaps you seem like a different person when you are in the grip of it. What’s more, the aftermath is likely hard on everyone – but mostly, it’s hard on you. By now you’ve probably discovered that saying sorry doesn’t begin to address the damage done to your relationships. You’re likely exhausted with the continual cycle of anger and apologies and may be ready to throw up your hands. You might desperately wish to get back in touch with the best version of yourself, but perhaps can’t fathom ever finding relief.
You Have a Right to Be Angry
If you’re feeling angry or hostile, then you’re certainly not alone. Anger is a normal human emotion. However, you owe it to yourself to coexist peacefully with others and take into account how your words and actions affect the people around you. Often I find that angry people have a deep sense of worthlessness that makes it hard for them to believe that anyone actually cares about what they say. You might be surprised that people are hurt after an outburst.
It’s A Normal Response
Anger is a normal response to loss, guilt, fear and shame. Chronic and explosive anger can signal unresolved negative emotions regarding past traumatic events in your life. Perhaps you walk in the world with a constant sense of hunger and envy. Perhaps you constantly cope with feelings of vulnerability and shame. These feelings work on your mood like acid. You might be snappish or exhausted from holding your tongue.
Anger + Panic = Rage
Rage, however, is different. It has more in common with panic and fear than it does with anger. Seizure-like in its intensity, during a rage episode you may become a stranger to yourself and others. Rage may have been your answer to something terrifying and it may have seemed to insulate you from physical and emotional threats.
Regardless of whether you’re suffering from anger or rage, anger management counseling can provide tools to help you better manage your symptoms.
Your Anger Can Be Healed
In our anger management counseling sessions, we’ll first assess whether you are dealing with anger or rage. In our practice, we address both.
Somebody Taught You How
If you’re angry, you’ll likely discover you’re angry because someone used to be angry at you. You may also find you‘re deeply connected to past traumatic events in ways that don’t serve you anymore. In sessions, we’ll take an in-depth look at your life experiences so you can begin to have compassion for your former self who made the best of it. In turn, you can develop compassion for others, which can shield you from future angry outbursts.
Don’t Try to Go It Alone With Rage
Rage, on the other hand, connects to deeper internalized negative emotions. If you’re suffering from rage, then you may have difficulty expressing yourself through words, which can have a devastating impact on your relationships and career. But with the help of a professional, compassionate therapist, you can learn to get in touch with your life experiences and share them in ways that draw people to you instead of scare them off.
Anger Doesn’t Occur In A Vacuum
Anger management counseling can also help you reflect on a “bad day” – a day when you were reactive to people on the street, on the road, in the conference room or at the kitchen table. You’ll discover that your anger doesn’t occur in a vacuum, but rather erupts within the larger context of desires and experiences. Together we will reflect on the last time you lost your temper – however, more time will be spent on all of the things that led up to your “bad day.” Many clients find the roots of yesterday’s outburst may have started days or weeks prior.
Anger is Like Jet Fuel, Use It to Get Stuff Done
With the help of anger management counseling, you can get to the root of your anger, identify your triggers and work through and process the turmoil, stress or trauma that may be causing your aggressive behavior.
Last but not least, you can put yourself back in charge of your mood instead of the other way around. Imagine a life without outbursts. What would you do with all of your free time? Maybe you could even factor in some fun.
After you do the work, the world can shift for you. One man said to me, “this is how life is supposed to be.” He never had a happy family before, but he has one now. Bliss and ease lay the groundwork for deeper ties, enabling you to have more stable, meaningful relationships.
At this point you might be ready to stop anger from controlling your life, but still might have some questions and concerns about therapy…
Anger management counseling is too expensive and time consuming.
Counseling IS expensive and time-consuming. But what’s also expensive is blowing up during a meeting because you were having a “bad day.” Counseling, like many valuable things, will be an investment in your wellbeing. It can help you perform better at work or restore your relationship with your spouse, ultimately saving you money in the long term.
I’m concerned that anger management counseling will ruin my reputation.
Anger management counseling with me is completely confidential. I will speak to no one without your permission – not your spouse, not your parents, not your colleagues. The building where I work has many kinds of businesses in it, and I do not need to schedule appointments back to back. When I talk about my work, I use combined, disguised vignettes. I work with and for you only.
I’m worried I’ll have to talk about painful memories from the past.
It’s possible that, during our work, we may find your outbursts are the result of abuse, neglect, depression or an anxiety disorder. You may already know that your past sets you up for your current troubles. You may not want to “go back there” – but the fact is, you are back there every day. Remembering and reflecting on past traumatic experiences can ultimately enable you to do something different, something new and something better.
Control Your Anger, Don’t Let Your Anger Control You
With the help of a compassionate, supportive therapist, it’s possible to regain control and restore fulfillment. I have 18 years of experience as a generalist and six years of working every day with anger and rage. If you want to start managing your anger today, you can download my free report.